The Asshole Majority

You can’t be that person who goes around saying, “I don’t ask for much” with a pathetic woe is me overtone--because honestly, no one gives a shit. It’s never give and take. It should be. But, it’s not. If you’re not taking, then you’re most likely giving and people are just going to exploit the shit out of your generosity. Have you ever wanted to just say “No” for the simple reason that you just don’t feel like doing whatever it is that someone is trying to get you to do? Isn't that a good enough reason? For most people, it’s not. They’ll question your answer because they expected you to say yes in the first place. They’ll ask, “Why?” as if it’s any of their God damn business. And all you’ll want to respond with is, “Because I don’t want to motherfucker.” It’s exactly like saying no to drugs. A part of you wants to say yes because it’s easier to escape with drugs than it is to deal with reality. But you know deep down inside that drugs aren't good for you. It’s true. But, you know what? The stress and aggravation of giving in to all of these selfish bastards isn't healthy for you either. Isn't your health worth it? Yes. Yes it is my friends. So, the only way to rise above and truly be happy is to not give a shit and totally disregard any feelings--people's feelings and your feelings of guilt and obligation. Therefore you have to transform into an asshole. Not just any asshole, but an inconsiderate asshole. Furthermore, you have to own this new lifestyle,  be one with your inner asshole, and flaunt it. So, when it comes down to it, your goal is to be a proud, inconsiderate asshole. Just make sure you don't deliberately go around and carelessly treat people like shit for no reason. Because then you're just a dick. Don't be that dick--the dick who thinks he's just an asshole. It is possible to be a good person and an asshole at the same time. You can offer to do something really really really really great (because you genuinely want to) and then set the boundaries by saying, "Just know for the next time that I'm not helping out. I ain't helping out for shit. I'll let you know when I feel like being generous again. If you happen to slip up and ask me for a favor, I'm going to have to tell you to fuck off. Okay old lady that's bagging my groceries?" So, there it is. Just call all the shots and you'll have nothing to worry about. Sounds easy, right? I'll let you know, when I decide to stop being a little bitch.