I learned some pretty valuable things over this long but not long enough (that is not what she said) weekend. I'm not going to be stingy with my knowledge. That's why I'm going to share it with the world. Let's get started.
A) It's probably not a good idea to eat a chicken cutlet sandwich & fried pickles after you just busted your ass at the gym. For one, you might find yourself busting your ass in the bathroom afterwards. Hopefully one set, one rep. Secondly, it's just not that healthy. However, those fried pickles were delicious. I think I'll just eat them before I do something active. Perfect. Problem solved.
B) A shot at redemption: So, I bought boxing gloves and tested them out on the punching bag at the gym. I was doing pretty well, showing that bag who the real sensei was. Then, in walked a senior citizen. He was atleast 68 years old. We'll call him Mickie. Mickie said something to me but I couldn't hear him clearly. Mind you, my ears were ringing a little bit because I had just head butted the punching bag. However, I think he said something like, "Give it up" or "Give it a rest". He smiled and I laughed it off. I was wondering what Mickie was doing in the boxing area. Then, he whipped out his hand wraps and wrapped up his hands. And I said to myself, "Check it out. This old timer is going to throw some fists at leather (I'm pretty sure that's the terminology that boxers use). Then he's going to throw out his hip." But right as I was about to say "hip", Mickie walked up to the speed bag and started speed bagging the hell out of that bag; like he was Rocky Balboa. So, what did I do? I started kicking the punching bag like I was Jean Claude Van Damme from his classic film Kickboxer. Then I grabbed my shin and fell to the ground. But I played it off like I was just stretching then turned it into a backwards tumble and stood back up. However, I fell back to the ground because I was still in pain. Then I proceeded to fall, stretch, backward tumble until I made it out of the room. Moral of the story: Don't discriminate against senior citizens...unless you're entirely sure they fit the stereotype. Administer the speed bag test if you have to.
C) I attended a wedding this weekend. I could barely hear the priest (maybe I should get my hearing checked). However, I did hear him make some Three Little Pigs/Big Bad Wolf analogy regarding marriage. I wasn't that impressed with it though. I'm a realist and I think if you can't maintain a stable home because some wolf keeps blowing it down, then you got bigger, badder problems on your hands. Chances are your marriage is just fine. It's the wolf that's the problem. Just get a shotgun and shoot the wolf. Is that animal cruelty? Maybe. But, if the wolf would just get a real job or a hobby then he wouldn't face such scrutiny. I mean, he goes around terrorizing three innocent pigs, a girl with a red hood, and a senior citizen. Next time he's going to mess with the wrong senior citizen like Mickie and get knocked the hell out. Let me get back to the animal cruelty thing. Maybe the BBW (Big Bad Wolf) is justified. Maybe he's just sticking up for the little pigs. Everyone wants to build a stable home for their family. But, you can't just go around turning pigs into carpenters and brick layers. That's just weird. There are practical ways of going about it. Try a real contractor. Moral of the story: Priests shouldn't make terrible analogies, period.(period)
- RyBread
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