Some Friends

      We all have two or more friends with the same first name. Take Steve for instance. I know a lot of guys named Steve. When I inputted their information into my phone, I had to give them all their own special label--because using their first name and last name wouldn't be as fun. And so we have Stoner Steve, Gay Steve, and Lumberjack Steve (because he's a lumberjack).
      One day Lumberjack Steve asked me if I would help him with the guest list for his upcoming party. I was much obliged. So, I looked through my phone and I proclaimed, "You must invite Stoner Steve and Gay Steve." And he replied, "I hate to break it to you but Stoner Steve is also gay. So, I thought to myself, "This will be an easy fix. I'll just change Stoner Steve to Gay Stoner Steve... Hmm...Then I would have two gay Steve's in my phone. That might get confusing. So I'll also have to change regular Gay Steve to...Gay Straight Steve because he doesn't do drugs. But wait, that just sounds like an oxymoron. He can't be gay and straight at the same time. Well, maybe if he was bisexual. But he's not. He's just straight gay--I mean fully gay. Hmm. How about Gay Clean Steve? No. That would insinuate that there is a Gay Dirty Steve somewhere out there. But I don't know of any Gay Dirty Steve. God damn it!" So I came to the conclusion that I had to get rid of one of the Gay Steve's. Not get rid of them get rid of them. But, defriend one of them. So I called up Gay Stoner Steve to give him the bad news--because regular Gay Steve came out of the closet first. So, he wins. Games are fun.

(Ring ring ring)

Gay Stoner Steve: Hey man.
Me: Listen Gay Stoner--I mean Steve. I hate to do this, but we can't be friends anymore.
Gay Stoner Steve: What? Why? Is it because I'm gay?
Me: Well, quite frankly, yes. 100% yes. I have nothing against gay people. It's just, that I know too many gay Steve's.
Gay Stoner Steve: So you don't have a problem with gay people. You just have a problem with gay people named Steve.
Me: Not exactly. Look, it's complicated. I'm sorry.

(Click)

      It wasn't the easiest thing I had to do in my life. Then again, it wasn't the hardest. That's what she said. Ho! Anywho. Lumberjack Steve and I got back to guest list. 
"So Steve, what kind of a party is this anyway," I asked.
"Oh, it's my coming out party," Steve exclaimed (from the rooftop). 
"I beg your pardon," I replied. 
"I'm coming out of the closet. I'm gay. Actually I just came out," replied Steve.
"When?"
"Like, right before you walked through that door."

I took out my phone and scrolled down to the name Lumberjack Steve. 

"Gay Lumberjack Steve? No fucking way," I exclaimed (from the rooftop).