Can I be a boss?

I would love to be a boss one day. It doesn't matter what kind of boss. Just as long as I had my own office. I would pull so many pranks.

The Pranks:

1. Interviewees would experience some heavy grilling. I'd set up the office like an interrogation room with just one flickering lamp in the middle. All the while I'd be asking them questions and grilling some bratwurst on my George Forman grill. The room would get all hot and smokey, which would test their will. Then the fire alarm would go off. That's when the true test would come in. I would fall to ground and ask for help. If they run out of the room without helping me then they wouldn't get the job. However, if they assist in dragging me out of there, then they would get hired. And they would get a bratwurst.

2. All day long I would have an instrumental version of Candy Man from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory playing in the background; throughout the office and on the elevator. Then I would ask one of my employees to come into my office for a meeting. He/she would sit down in front of my desk. I would sit down and swivel my chair until I had my back to him/her. Conversation would ensue. Then he/she would notice a carefully placed bowl of Skittles on my desk. It wouldn't take long for him/her to give into temptation and reach for the Skittles (the Skittles that I glued together and to the bowl). I would swivel around and find the employee licking the bowl. Then I would fire him/her. You just can't trust anyone that wouldn't last a minute in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

3. I wouldn't discpline my employees in the usual fashion. No scolding, no yelling, no words. I would speak my mind through my actions. As we all know, actions hit harder than words. Unless you can breathe hard enough to knock someone down. But that's beside the point. Let's say Phil is doing a terrible job, his productivity level is low, and he always has this look on his face like he's always smelling something foul. One day Phil will walk into work and his cubicle won't be in the same place. Where will it be? It will be in the restroom attached to the stalls. Because if Phil wants to do a shitty job, then that is where he belongs.

- Ryan