Cleaning Out the Gutters

The Big Books

Sometimes we try to be clever and crack jokes at work. Such as "That's what she said" type of jokes or anything that involves your head being in the gutter. However, sometimes you don't really have to try too hard or try at all for that matter. Sometimes it just comes out naturally. That's what she said. Boom.

The other day my sixty something year old co-worker (we'll call her Janice) and I were working on filing some yearly ledgers. The shelves were small and the books were big.

JANICE

I don't think it's going to fit.

ME

Well Janice, you never know until you try. Let's give it the test. The old testy as it were. Here, grab a hold of this.

JANICE

It's too big and bulky.

ME

You know what? You're right. Screw it.

Janice gets aggressive with the task at hand.

JANICE
Maybe we can just jam it in there.

ME
That's probably not a good idea. Someone might get hurt.

JANICE
True. Then we might have to go on Workmans Comp.

ME
Haha. I know right. Wouldn't that be ridiculous if we had to go on Workmans Comp for screwing up something like this?

JANICE
Haha. Yeah. Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

RYAN
I hear that.

JANICE
Alright. Let's take it out. Because it's not going in any further.

ME
Good idea. Oh no....I think it's stuck.

It's times such as this that you hope no one is around the bend listening to your conversation. Or...you hope that everyone is listening to your conversation. The moral of this story is that I hope you have a big book shelf because I'm putting my Encyclopedia Britannica on it.

DJ Too Fly Ry

I like to play DJ at work and crank out the jams. The women seem to enjoy it. And who am I to deny them the sweet sounds of DJ Too Fly Ry? So I let them have it. Picture a large room, six desks, me and five women.

DJ TOO FLY RY (that's me)

Good morning fellow co-workers! You're listening to 123.4 W-TOO-FLY-RY.

CO-WORKER

Umm wow. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to find that number on the radio dial. And there are way too many letters in your call sign.

DJ TOO FLY RY

Oh. That's weird. I don't remember taking any callers. Bye. *Click* (sound of phone hanging up). Listen up fans! It's time for a classic rock block! There's only one man that fits the bill for this special occasion. There's only one man that can keep you ladies rockin' an rollin'. That's right. I'm whippin' out the Rod!

*Dead silence* and five woman deadpanning in my direction.

DJ TOO FLY RY
Umm. I'm talking about Rod Stewart.

Laughter ensues and DJ TOO FLY RY proceeds to play Hot Legs, a tribute to his co-workers.


- Ryan