The Road: Head

Road rage. It's inevitable. I just wish people wouldn't be so unoriginal with how they express themselves. People still flip the same old bird, among other hand gestures. But they're just as threatening as a peace sign. But seriously though, let's give peace a chance.

I'll tell you what. The next time someone flips me the bird or tries to insult me in any way while I'm driving, they're going to be in for a big surprise. I'm picturing it now. Some jerk gives me the finger. I smile at him and say, "Oh really tough guy?" I reach down on the passenger side floor and I lift up a... fake head by the hair and put it next to my face. Then I proceed to look at the jerk creepily. Hopefully he would look frightened or at the very least crap his pants.

You might be asking, "What if a cop pulls you over?" That's a good question. And I have a good answer. If a cop pulls me over and asks me, "Why do you have a fake head in your car?" I'll just say, "Head? Listen Mr. Policeman. I give a mean blow...out. I'm going to beauty school. So that explains the fake head and the updo. Her name is Sally." Knowing my luck he'd probably say, "Really? This is perfect because I need a haircut. Give me one of those blow outs." Then he'd take off his police hat and throw his long and beautiful hair into the wind. And I'd say, "Have you ever heard of a Spicy Mullet? It's basically a blow out with a little mullet in the back. Let me see if I have a pair of scissors back here. Maybe some garden sheers. Or at the very least a pair of those kiddie scissors with the zig-zags...(trailing off)." And that's how it would end, with me giving a police officer a haircut on the side of the highway. I think it would be worth it.

- Ryan