Saturday, December 1, 2012

Ethnic Foody

     Sometimes it's really hard to find really good ethnic food. Some people will be like, "Aww man. I discovered this new Mexican restaurant." Oh really? You discovered it? Are you an explorer now? Oh okay. So, you just thought you were the first person to discover it--sort of like Christopher Columbus with America?
     Everyone knows someone like that: the Chris Columbus of restaurants. They feel like no one else knows about their restaurant--not even the other people eating there, not even the owner who in fact founded the place. I don't know why they even tell anyone about their secret place, because they're just going to get mad when it becomes popular. "Oh no. They're blogging about it now. I'll be the first to comment."
     I think the best way to find great ethnic food is to find the right people. For instance, if I want to find a great Korean restaurant, I have to find me some Koreans. Then I need to stalk them and figure out where they dine. Sure, I could find a good Korean restaurant just by asking around or by surfing the web. I'll go to that highly reccomended place and enjoy the food. But, I will eventually realize that there aren't any Koreans in there eating this "Korean" food--just doofuses like me and that random Chinese American guy who was brought here by his friends because they thought he was Korean. I'm going to live by a saying that I never heard before because I'm just making it up right now. The saying is, "If you want to eat ethnic, stalk the ethnic."

Here are some tips:

1. Go to a Home Depot parking lot. You'll find a group of Mexicans. Follow them if you want great Mexican cuisine. If you're lucky, you'll find yourself at the border--and I don't mean Taco Bell.

2. If you want authentic Brazilian food, go to a Brazilian Jiu-jitsu dojo. There's bound to be a Brazilian or two there. Step two: Follow them home. But don't sneak up on them or you'll find yourself in an arm bar.

3. There are quite a few options as far as authentic Indian food goes. First you can stop by your local convenient store and just ask one of the clerks. You can also stop by your local gas station and ask one of those guys--fill it up while you're at it. Lastly, you can just ask that one Indian friend that you have. Come on now, everybody has that one Indian friend--because two would be too much. Better yet, just stop by his house and eat some home cooked Indian food because hey, it doesn't get any better than that--even if you sweat profusely and all of the Indian people point and laugh at you.