Thursday, July 20, 2017

P Vision

        So, I was standing at the urinal. This guy walks up and stands at the urinal next to me. Now, just know that I didn’t look at his junk. However, my peripheral vision was really on point. So, I unintentionally got a glimpse. And all I wanted to say to the guy was, “Good for you.” But, yeah, I did. I did it, I said, “Good for you.” And he was like, “Fuck did you just say?” That’s right. Mmm hmm. He left out the “what” and “the” and jumped straight to “fuck”. So, I thought to myself, “Good question. What did I just say?” And then I was like, “Oh yeah. I said, good for you.” He was like, “Are you trying to get your ass kicked?” It was then that I realized, maybe, just maybe I left the oven on, and also, that I might have pissed this guy off. Then, right off the cuff, I made a joke in my head which was, “Ain’t nothing like getting pissed off at a urinal.” And I laughed. The guy was like, “That’s a dumb joke.” You see, he heard me, because I accidentally said it out loud. I scrambled to think of a way to save myself. Then, I remembered I saw a ring on his finger and I said, “I think we’re having a classic misunderstanding. I noticed your wedding ring. And that’s why I said, “Good for you.” It's not easy finding “the one”. You’re a lucky guy. That’s all.” And he said, “I’m not married...That’s actually my cock ring.” I said, “Oh...well, so it is. I'm going to blame that on my peripheral vision. Do you know any good optometrists?”