Saturday, November 9, 2013

Mr. Pick-up Man

Pick-up lines & Conversation Starters:

1. If I had a time machine, I would travel to the past just so I could travel...back to the see you. Get the Back to the Future reference? What? You've never seen BTTF? What kind of stupid idiot are you?

2. I know where I've seen you before. The waiting room. I was there to get a colonoscopy. You were there to get a colonoscopy. Man, we sure did have a lot in common. Do you want to get out of here and get something to eat?

3. Once I wrangled a snake with my bare my garden...Okay, so yeah, it was a garden snake. But, it put up a good fight, before I beat it with a shovel. I'm not proud of it. Actually I feel really bad. But, that's what life is about--making important decisions in dire times...So, anyway, I do have a garden--with the plumpest tomatoes.

4. This martini tastes like shit...more like a fartini. Am I right ladies?

5. Let's go back to my place (Lead her to the alleyway behind the bar where your cardboard mansion awaits). This is where I live. No, I'm not homeless. Clearly, this is a home--it has French doors. They're just made out of pizza boxes, plastic wrap  and other paper products that I may or may not have trash picked. The bar is my real home though. No, I'm not an alcoholic. However, I do drink every day--mostly beer that's leftover by the local patrons. Anywho, you should probably get going. My parents will be home soon. They don't like me bringing home strange girls. Can I get your phone number though? You can just write it on my roof.