Thursday, January 3, 2013

When My Dad Finally Sees the Redwoods

One fateful day my dad will trek through the mighty pine, through the mystical forest and leave his footprint next to the greatest Redwood anyone has ever seen! He will then realize that that footprint isn't actually his, but of a twelve foot tall Sasquatch. Suddenly, what should appear before his very eyes? Yes, the friendliest of squirrels named Chipmunk--he has quite the identity crisis. Then, suddenly, the biggest foot of feet smashes down upon the squirrel. Dad trembles and slowly looks up to see the montrosity before him. But, to his astonishment, it's just an average sized man lurking around with an over sized boot--maybe a Doc Martin, maybe a Timberland, I don't know. For some reason dad is without any shoes, boots, footware whatsoever because he wanted to be one with nature and feel the earth beneath his feet. Then he realizes that his foot pain tolerance is nonexistent and begins to freak out due to a baby splinter lodged in his toe.

"The sun appears to be falling away to the dark side of the Earth," says the man.

"Nope. That's just the shadow of a Sasquatch behind you bro," replies Dad.

The Sasquatch grabs the man.

"Ahhh!" screams Dad.

The man manages to get out his last words, "Here. Take my boot."

"I can't. It's your only boot," replies Dad.

"Take the boot man. Where I'm going, they don't wear boots or boot. Take it. I insist," says the man insistently.

Dad cries for what seems to be an eternity.

"I do have one last request. Can you tell my wife that I love her and that there really is a Big Foot?" exclaims the man.

But, it's too late. Dad has already made his getaway--both feet in one boot, hopping off in the distance.

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