Acceptance Speeches & Music

Interrupted by Music:

I find it interesting that the proper etiquette for nudging people off of a stage while their giving an acceptance speech is to drown them out with music. To be honest, I think it shouldn’t stop there. It should be part of everyday situations.

QUESTIONS & COMMENTS:

INT. HOME – DAY

KEITH is eating yogurt.

KEITH

(Voice over)

This is the best God damn yogurt I’ve ever tasted. I really need to thank someone. Someone needs to know that they’re doing a good job. What’s this?

Keith looks at the yogurt container and it says, “We welcome your questions & comments. 
Please call 1-800-1YOGURT”.

CUT TO:

INT. HOME – DAY

KEITH is on the phone.

KEITH

I can’t say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Without this yogurt, I wouldn’t be who I am today. My breakfast wouldn’t be well balanced. I’m going to put you on speaker phone because I can’t eat yogurt and hold the phone at the same time.

Keith puts his phone on speaker and places it on the table.

KEITH

Sometimes I add a little granola to my yogurt; a little nola to my yoag. Do you do anything special with your yogurt? Have you ever tried poking a straw right through the foil and slurping it?

Keith jams a straw into a yogurt and slurps.

KEITH

It’s good.

YOGURT REP

I can’t say that I’ve tried that before. Look, I appreciate the comments, questions and suggestions. However, we’ve been on the line for about an hour and—

KEITH

Can you over dose on this yogurt? Is that possible?

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Yogurt Rep is sitting at his desk with his headset on.

YOGURT REP

I think too much of anything isn’t good for you. And I certainly wouldn’t snort the yogurt.

CUT TO:

INT. HOME – DAY

Keith has yogurt around his nose.

KEITH

Yeah. It’s not as cool as it sounds. If you could hold on for just a little longer. I just have a few more shout outs. I’d like to thank the scientist who came up with the yogurt recipe. And if you could let the CEO know that he’ll always have me as a customer. Oh, and I’d like to thank the factory workers or machines/robots and the people that control the robots. I’ve always wanted to meet a robot. Maybe one day I’ll get the chance to—

SOUND OF CLASSICAL MUSIC FADING IN.

KEITH

Okay, okay. I’m running out of time. Can you hear me? It's kind of hard to talk over this music. Hello?

MUSIC GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER, DROWNING KEITH OUT.

OPEN MIC NIGHT:

INT. CAFÉ - NIGHT

NICK & TOM, folk singers, rock out the last five seconds of their set. The crowd claps and cheers.

NICK & TOM

Thank you.

NICK

Thank you so much!

TOM

Thank you so, so much!

Claps and cheers die down.

NICK

I just want to say, we appreciate you guys coming out tonight. We hope you enjoyed yourselves. We sure did. I’d like to take a moment to thank our mothers. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. I mean that in the literal sense and the other literal sense.

TOM

Literal sensi.

NICK

A double entendre if you will. Our moms conceived us and they drove us here. So, thank you moms.

Tom walks over to Nick’s microphone.

TOM

Yeah, thank you. We love you. Furthermore, I think we should take a moment to thank our managers for landing us this wonderful gig. So…thanks again mom and mom.

NICK

Ditto.

Tom looks at the very back of the room.

TOM

Hey mom. There’s a pretty lady in the front row here. Take a look and tell me if she’s marriage material…What’s that? Yeah, I know. She’s nothing special, but…

Tom looks at the girl.

TOM

I’m sorry. It’s not going to work out between us. Thanks for coming though.

NICK

That’s what she said. I’m just kidding. She never said that.

TOM

Actually, there was that one time when she did say that. Remember?

NICK

Oh right. There was that one time. But I digress. Moving on, I’d like to thank my dogs, Chuck & Bruce, for always giving me constructive criticism and for being my best friends; a man’s best friends…ladies.

TOM

I thought I was your best friend.

NICK

That’s debatable. I’ll have to see what Chuck and Bruce have to say about that. Listen up people; we appreciate you supporting our music. But, now we need you to support us in a different way. There’s a basket going around; much like the kind you’d find in a church. Actually, it is from church. Thank you Father Sebastian.

TOM

Don’t be shy people. And please, no loose change, just dollar bills. It’s going towards a good cause. I got into a bad accident…band accident…a Rock Band accident last week. I was rocking out, probably a little too hard, and I took a mean spill. Plus I think I have arthritis in my right hand. But that might be from something completely unrelated.

NICK

Thanks again folks. Are we forgetting to thank anyone?

TOM

(Counting with his fingers)

We got our moms, the fans…

NICK

The fans, yeah, we got the fans.

TOM

Chuck and Bruce.

NICK

Check.

TOM

No, Chuck.

NICK

No, I was saying check as in “Check, yes, we thanked them.”

TOM

Oh.

MUSIC FADES IN AND CUTS THEM OFF, MUCH LIKE AT THE ACADEMY AWARDS.

NICK

Whoa! What’s with the music?

TOM

Umm, that’s rather rude. We’re not finished with our speech. Who are these cantankerous beings promoting this, this tomfoolery?

CAMERA ZOOMS OUT INTO A WIDE SHOT REVEALING THE OTHER BAND MEMBERS, JACK & COLLIN, WHO ARE PLAYING THEIR INSTRUMENTS.

JACK

It’s us…the rest of the band, over here, behind you.

COLLIN

Are you guys going to let us speak or…?

NICK

Um.

TOM

Well…I guess that would be acceptable. Sure, why not?

NICK

Sure, why not? Why not? Sure. Go for it.

JACK

I’ll go first.

COLLIN

Wait. Why do you get to go first?

MUSIC FROM THE SPEAKERS FADES IN, DROWNING OUT THE BAND COMPLETELY.

The audience disperses along with the café workers.

FADE OUT: