Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Mr. Indecisive

SNL type of skit.


EXT. EDGE OF A CLIFF - DAY

TIM has his arms hanging over the edge of a cliff grasping onto his wife WENDY and his best friend PITTSEY, who are struggling to hold on too.

TIM
(panicking)
Don't worry! I'll save you both!

PITTSEY
Don't be a fool Tim! You can't possibly save us both! Let me go and save your wife!

TIM
Look, just hang in there! I'm sorry. Pun definitely not intended.

WENDY
What's wrong with you!? Can you be serious just once!?

TIM
Sorry. Just relax. I'm going to pull you both up.

Tim strains like a body builder and tries pulling them up, but he doesn't make any progress.

TIM
Pittsey listen to me, I just want you know that....you're right. I can't pull you both up. I used up most of my strength and I can only hold on for like another minute, tops.

PITTSEY
You know what? I don't want to die. Save me instead.

WENDY
What!? Tim, I am your wife!

PITTSEY
Yeah, but, I knew him first. We've been friends for twenty years. Plus, I introduced the two of you. And, I can introduce him to his next wife. Tim, do remember that barista from the cafe?

TIM
Vaguely. 5'5", mocha skin, dark brown hair, luscious lips, and that cute little mole on her right cheek. Oh, and she had huge boobs, right? I likes me some whole milk in my latte.

PITTSEY
That's the girl. Well, she totally digs you and I can set you up with her.

WENDY
Tim, you'll never find a lover better than me.

PITTSEY
"Than I". Don't listen to her Tim. Hey, remember that little thing we had going on in college Freshmen year? We had some fun didn't we? I'm up for it again, if you're up for it.

WENDY
(Appalled)
Ewww.

TIM
(Embarassed)
Umm. We were confused then. That's all in the past anyway. Haha.

PITTSEY
Just saying. Keep it in mind.

WENDY
So now you have some dirty little secrets Timmy!?

TIM
It's funny you should mention that Wendy. Or should I call you Mrs...Wendy...Pittsey. That's right. I know that you've been two timing me for nearly a year now with my best friend, Pittsey. Well, well, well. It looks like there's only one thing left to do. I have to let you go...The both of you.

PITTSEY & WENDY
(In slow motion)
No!

Tim lets go of Wendy and Pittsey..

SOUND OF CLAPPING. THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT, REVEALING A MALE THERAPIST IN AN OFFICE WITH A FAKE CLIFF AND A BACKDROP OF A SKY. Pittsey and Wendy are fine and stand a few feet below the prop.

THERAPIST
Great job Tim! You were able to make a decision in the harshest of circumstances. I'll need you to come back next week for a final evaluation. But, I can confidentally say that this should be our last intense therapy session. Congrats!

TIM
That's just amazing. You know, I feel good. I feel really good, like I'm cleansed. You know what I'm saying? There's no turning back now.

THERAPIST
Keep up the good work. I'll see you next week.

Pittsey walks up to Tim.

PITTSEY
Way to go buddy. That was pretty convincing. Like, when you said, "I'll save you both!" I was like, whoa, he's really going to save us. But then...you didn't.

TIM
Thanks man. So Pittsey, are you really going to hook me up with that barista or what?

PITTSEY
You know it buddy.

TIM
My man! Let's go grab some lattes.

PITTSEY
Let's do it. We have some celebrating to do. Hey Wendy, we'll be home later okay sweetie?

WENDY
Sounds good. I'll make you boys some chocolate chip cookies.

THERAPIST
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Tim, what the hell are you doing?

TIM
What?

THERAPIST
You're not exactly letting them go. And you two, you're just enabling him. You're screwing with his head!

Tim, Pittsey, and Wendy all look at each other with confusion.

WENDY
Do you believe this guy?

TIM
Sounds like the therapist needs some therapy. Let's get the hell out of here guys.

PITTSEY
You're going to be alright Tim. I'll find you a real doctor, like Dr. Phil.

Tim, Pittsey, and Wendy head for the exit. The therapist throws his folder into the air.

FADE OUT:



- Ryan

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