"Get away from my wife!" said Steve.
Steve liked pretending that this young hottie was his wife. And the young hottie thought that Steve was creepy yet kind and thanked him for shooing (or schwinging) the perverted men away. Steve left the store and when he arrived home he told his real wife about the young attractive woman and the gawking men.
"Oh dear. I went to the store for some wood. But I ended up leaving with no wood. Not a single piece of wood," said Steve.
But, there's something that Steve just couldn't see. He did in fact leave the store with wood. A special kind of wood. A wood that you can't buy at a store...Free wood (I'm talking about an erection. Duh...boning).