Gambling can become a serious problem. It can become an addiction. With that said, gambling can be awesome. I mean, if you play your cards right, you could win big. Sure, you might have to use some collateral a.k.a. your child's college fund and that fondue set that Aunt Betty got you for Christmas last year. But let's be honest. You were just going to re-gift that fondue maker anyway, right? You wouldn't even miss it. So what, it heats up a pot of melted deliciousness. And I bet you could dip anything in there: pizza crust, a whole cheese steak, donuts, quesadillas, paninis, waffles, shrimp, shrimp kabob, shrimp sandwich, and strawberries. You know what, that sounds too good to just gamble away in a game of chance. You see? Even addicts can think rationally. I'll just substitute it with that painting that my grandfather left for me in his will. It's ugly anyway. I'm sorry Mr. PickAsso, or whatever your name is, but your painting sucks. My little cousin painted something just like it the other day. I'd show it to you, but I lost it in a shady game of craps in Chinatown last week.
The Gambler
I would like to witness a day in the life of a really impulsive gambler.
We'll call him Roger but people call him Rog and he's 28 years old. He wouldn't start the day out by waking up. No. He'd already be awake. In fact, he just got in. We'll say, it's 5am. He's having his morning whiskey at the senior citizen home that he bunks at; in his grandmother's room. He makes his 27th bet at 5:30am in the rec room. At first he loses $50 on a bet while watching The Price Is Right with the rest of the tenants. However, by 7:00am he's up $450. As the tenants head for the cafeteria, Rog walks by the television and ejects a VHS tape from the VCR. Then he looks at the camera.
ROGER (in a Ray Liotta-like voice from Goodfellas)
Okay, so I taped The Price Is Right yesterday and replayed it today. Big whoop. It's their fault for not remembering that they just watched it yesterday. You have to be on the look out for these old timer weisenheimers. They think that a crutch is just their crutch. You have to see beyond their frail exterior. Deep down inside they're as hard as the titanium on their walkers. They have an average of 87 years worth of strife. And I know that they can take a punch; some figuratively, some literally. That's why I have to hit them where it hurts, again. Get inside their really warped & senile brains and get them to bet their walkers and wheel chairs. Maybe one day they'll want to buy them back. And I'll give it to them for cheap. Because what the hell am I going to do with a wheel chair and a walker anyway? Save 'em for when I get old? No, because by then I would have taken a gamble on a low class prostitute and my liver would have lost a bet with alcoholism. I'll die before I get old. You can bet on that. I would. I have.
CUT TO:
INT. BUS - DAY
Rog sports a brown leather jacket and greasy hair. He hops on a bus and heads to a birthday party for a two year old. He takes the bus because he had to pawn his car for money. You can only imagine why. He leans over next to the driver and looks out the front window. The bus driver is wearing glasses with really thick lenses.
ROG
My man. So what's the action?
The bus driver looks around.
BUS DRIVER (baffled)
What?
ROG
Said what's the action?
BUS DRIVER
What action? I'm driving a bus here.
ROG
How fast can this thing go?
BUS DRIVER
I can get it up to 100 on a good day.
ROG
Yeah right. I bet you fifty bucks you can't even pass this Ford Taurus in front of us.
BUS DRIVER
Oh yeah? You're on pal!
The bus driver takes off and tries to pass the car. But the car speeds up and cuts in front of the bus and leaves the bus in the dust. The bus driver slows down. He looks flustered and embarassed.
ROG
Wow. Must have been a Ford Mustang. Pay up loser. That's bus fare for a month.
CUT TO:
EXT. YARD/BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR TWO YEAR OLD - DAY
ROG walks in like he owns the joint. JOHN and ALISON greet Rog. Rog is constantly watching his back.
JOHN (Surprised)
Hey man. How's it going?
ROG
Great. Well, actually kind of lame right now. But...
JOHN
Oh yeah? You're looking a little empty handed there buddy. This is a birthday party.
ROG
Yeah well, I bought Billy a bottle of Jack. But I drank it on the way here. So...there's always next year though right?
ALISON
Tyler. His name is Tyler. Why did you invite him John?
JOHN
I didn't invite him. I thought you invited him.
ROG
Look guys, I didn't come here to start any arguments...but I guess there's no turning back now. So, can you spot me a few bucks?
ALISON
I can't believe this.
Alison storms off. John starts yelling at Rog. However Rog tunes him out and notices a guy in the distance listening to the radio and playing with a Ritz cracker like it's a poker chip. Rog makes his way over to the guy.
ROG
Action.
The GUY looks over his shoulder and looks around.
GUY
Race in ten minutes.
ROG
Who's the favorite?
GUY
Princess Lolligag.
ROG
Perfect. Put me down for one hundred.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. PICNIC TABLE - DAY
Rog and the Guy are celebrating a win. Tyler and the rest of the kids are playing musical chairs.
ROG
I bet you one hundred bucks that little Henry wins.
GUY
Who's Henry?
ROG
The birthday boy. Duh.
GUY
Oh. That's his name. Oh there's no way he's winning. I will take that bet. Then I will take your money.
In the end, Rog wins. He walks out of the party (in slow motion, smoking a cigarette) with three hundred bucks in his right pocket and candy over flowing in his left pocket. Yeah, he may have hustled some kids in Go Fish.
- Ryan
No comments:
Post a Comment