If...
- If I had to be a transvestite stripper...Look, I know what you're thinking, "Why would you ever have to be a transvestite stripper?" It's a hypothetical scenario. So, just imagine, okay?. If I had to be a transvestite stripper, my name would be Scarlett Johandsome. But I think I would spell it Skarlett Jo Handsome. It's a bit racier; a bit trashier.
- If I could take two musicians/artists and mold them into one super duper star, I would choose Notorious BIG and David Bowie. His name would be Biggy Stardust.
- Why do people say, "When pigs fly"? Why would you even suggest such a thing. You know there's some scientist out there that just got canned from his job, his wife just left him for his sister, and he just found out he was adopted. It's only a matter of time before he snaps. One late night, he'd be on the internet chatting it up with other washed up scientists. Next thing you know one of them responds with, "Yeah, when pigs fly." Then a light bulb goes off and the scientist would say, "Oh they'll fly. They'll fly alright. Every last one of them!" So, he went from scientist to retired scientist. Then retired scientist to retired mad scientist. Well, he wasn't mad initially, and he's still a scientist. So he'd be a mad scientist that's self employed. Anyway, next thing you know you're sun bathing on the beach and you get shit on by a flying pig. And your buddy asks, "What the hell was that?" And you'd respond, "God damn flying pigs...Yeah, they exist. Thanks a lot mad scientist."
- Ryan
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