Air Guitar

I don't think I should play the air guitar or the mega-bass air guitar anymore. Well, not in public anyway. I realized when I jam out with my sweet ass mega-bass air guitar, it kind of looks like I'm fondling a giant and strumming my junk. It all depends on the placement of my hands and whether or not I'm playing with an air pick. If I'm playing with an air pick, it looks like I'm strumming my junk. However, if I'm finger picking, it looks like I'm fondling myself. So, in that instance, I'd be fondling a giant and fondling myself at the same time; while playing air guitar. But, that's just me multi-tasking on a good day. If I loosen up the air guitar strap and play like Billy Joe Armstrong of Green Day, then it looks like I'm fondling a midget. Excuse me, I mean small person. But that doesn't make it any less creepy, small people. Okay? But how often would I come across a small person or a giant while I'm playing air guitar? Their coordinates would have to be pretty precise in order for it to look weird. Chances are, if the circumstance did arise, it would be mis-matched; I'd be playing the mega-bass with a small person standing in front of me. That means I'd be tickling his/her chin, nose or forehead; depending on their height. I guess it all depends on whether or not I'm standing or sitting too. Because sometimes I like to rock a mean air guitar while sitting down. Hmm. Then I would potentially fondle a normal person. Excuse me, I mean a person of average height. Well, now that's all screwed up. I suppose I should just be extra careful while rockin' out with my imaginary guitar. Or I could just pick up a new instrument, like a flute or a didgeridoo. Yeah, that's it. A didgeridoo.

- Ryan