How are you doing?

I wish I could read people and tell whether or not they mean it when they ask, "How are you doing?" Because you know damn well that there are people (probably you & I) out there that are just accustomed to asking the question. Some people could really care less. And I wish I could weed those people out and make them sorry that they ever asked the question.

INT. OFFICE - MORNING

PETE walks into his office. He passes his co-worker, WENDY, on his way to his desk. Wendy is known for being short. And by short I mean brief in conversation. She's really self-centered.

PETE

Good morning Wendy.

WENDY

Good morning Pete. How are you doing?

PETE (VOICE OVER)

Hmm. I'll tell you how I'm doing.

Pete comes to a halt, turns around and walks into Wendy's cubicle.

PETE

Well Wendy, I'm glad that you asked...

WENDY

(Under her breath)

Oh no...

PETE

Things couldn't be worse. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. And I bet you're wondering why. Let me tell you why Wendy. My doctor died the other day. My doctor. Do you know what that means Wendy? If doctors can't save themselves, then what the hell does that mean for the rest of us? Which brings me to my next subject: this growth my right cheek.

Wendy examines Pete's face.

WENDY

I don't see a...

PETE

My right ass cheek. I'd show it to you, but that would be really inappropriate, in this cubicle. We would have to retreat to the restroom or at the very least my apartment...after dinner of course...seven o'clock...at the Wendy's right down the street. You'll love it there. Trust me.

WENDY

(Disgusted)

Wait. Are you asking me out?

PETE

I don't know Wendy. Am I? Look, I'm just really vulnerable right now. You asked me how I was doing and gave me your shoulder to cry on. I'm pretty sure we just bonded. Maybe we can do some other kind of bonding if you know what I mean.

WENDY

There is no way I would ever go out with you, especially after hearing about that gross ass growth on your...ass.

PETE

Well...I guess the growth on my ass sorely mistook your phony sentiment for true tenderness. It looks like you owe it, an apology.

Pete turns around and pretends to take off his pants. Wendy is appalled and runs out of her cubicle. Pete starts laughing.

PETE

(Proud)

Oh man. I sure did freak her out.

Fred, the creeper of the office walks by. Pete despises him.

FRED

Hey Pete.

PETE

(Caught up in his own humor)

Hey Fred. How's it going?

Pete suddenly realizes the mistake that he just made.

PETE

Oh no...

Pete starts to walk out of the cubicle but Fred blocks off the opening.

FRED

Well Pete, not too good. This has been the longest and worst day ever. Let me tell you all about it.

FADE OUT:



- Ryan