Friday, October 28, 2011

Weirdos & Creepers

Guys can be weirdos and creepers from time to time. They have no problem with conjuring up something weird yet perverted to say when they see an attractive girl. Dudes will cleverly construct their comments by using the "play on words" or "play on occupation" tool. For example, if a dude sees a cute cashier he might say, "Yeah. I'd let her scan my bar code." You see. Clever. Or if a dude sees a cute bagger (person who bags groceries) he might say, "Hello! I'd let her bag my groceries." Or you can get weird with it and say, "Aww yeah. I'd let her bag my Special K and my 2% milk. And if she's lucky I'll even make her breakfast. I hope she likes Special K because we are definitely spooning." Or you can just say something simple like, "Mmm girl. I'd let her bag me up...if you know what I mean." But who knows, this bagger chick could be a serial killer. So what do you do then?

"Oh jeez. I can't go out with her. She's a serial killer....a very hot serial killer. And she does bag a mean rump roast...Yeah, I'd totally let her bag me up."

So, no, a creeper/weirdo wouldn't bail because a creeper/weirdo has no shame. In the end he would go out on a date with the bagger chick. Then he would find himself stuffed inside of a bag.

"Ok. At first this was cute and kinky. Now it's just messed up. Is it too late for a rain check? This bag is huge. Is this a hockey bag or...? Do you like hockey? Maybe I can take you to a game sometime...if you don't murder me (under his breath). Was it necessary to put this paper bag over my head too? I mean, I'm already inside of a bag. This just seems redundant. I do prefer paper over plastic though. Thanks for that. But it would've been nice to have the option. I'm just saying. That's where you went wrong. That's why this isn't going to work...I'll still make you breakfast though."

- Ryan

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